If i come over, it means nothing
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
