Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
