The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
