kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
