You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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