Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
In America we eat man semen.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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