Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
