I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
