Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
