so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Randomize
