Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
