i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
