So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
