Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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