My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
