I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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