I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
