So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
