I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Randomize
