Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
