Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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