Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my shit smells like andre
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
