I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
