Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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