Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
