do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
