A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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