Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
