Already got asked if we're dating
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
