Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Panties = found
Randomize
