grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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