i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
