make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We're too hungover to prance.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
