Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
