I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
