If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
