it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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