my vag is so smooth its legendary
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
