Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
