the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
