I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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