I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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