Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
