Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
