How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
this is an emotional support booty call
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
