After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
