Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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