Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
