Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
