If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
