Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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