FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
