Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
...so i touched it.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
