I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
